8 Breakfast Foods That Were Too Gross To Succeed

Fact: Breakfast is delicious. From the greasiest, cheapest plate of meat n’ eggs to a lovingly crafted bed and breakfast buffet, it’s all good. So you can imagine my shock when I stumbled across these disgusting breakfast options. Food failure. See for yourself.

Remember that time you ran out of milk and had the brilliant idea of using orange juice instead? And it was really gross? Then remember going to school hungry because you ruined your breakfast? Well, Kellogg's OJ's cereal is just like that day, only on purpose. It's sweetened with 10% real orange juice and contains as much vitamin C as a 4 oz glass of OJ, so when you're all done, you'll be left with a delicious bowl of warm, orange-flavoured milk scraps. Yummy.

Two foods belong on a stick: Popsicles and cotton candy. That’s it. Not sausage, not pancakes, and certainly not sausage wrapped in pancakes. But the worst part? You have to microwave it. When’s the last time you enjoyed a tough, leathery, microwaved pancake? That’s right. Never. As one person said, “Just nuke ‘em and puke ‘em.” Well said, internet stranger, well said.

This meaty treat was specifically made for males in their late teens or early twenties, probably because they’re the only people capable of digesting and/or metabolizing it. It consisted of a sausage patty, two eggs, two cheese slices and three strips of bacon, which translated into 730 calories and 47 grams of fat. Most people would accept all of these ingredients if they were spread out on a plate like a real breakfast, so for many, that’s not the grossest part. No, the most disgusting aspect of this sandwich is the idea of being inside a Burger King at 7 am. That’s not what I want to smell like for the rest of the day.

Nesquik banana powder was first introduced in 1954, which should also have been the year it was discontinued. I’m all for fake fruit flavours, but fake banana is for cat medicine and 1st year chemistry classes. It’s the lowest form of fake fruit flavour. Just throw milk and a banana into a blender and call it a day.

“Excuse me ma’am, would you like some more powdered roasted grain beverage? It’s decaf.” Postum was supposed to be a coffee substitute, and during WWII, when coffee was rationed, it made sense. But now, when coffee is cheap and plenty, I don’t see why anyone would want to drink it. It supposedly tastes “a little like cheap instant coffee.” Why not just drink instant coffee? Or, if you hate the taste of real coffee, why not have tea? Postum was discontinued in 2007, much to the dismay of addicts worldwide.

Push n’ Eat Meals! Think Push Pops, only warmed up and with disgusting flavours like Scrambled Eggs with Cheese and Bacon, Chili Mac and Mac & Cheese with Broccoli. These convenient snacks were sold as the first completely portable food ever—no forks, no spoons, no plates—and were frozen for maximum freshness. Just microwave, push, eat.

Because babies love baby food so darn much, it made sense (to Gerber, anyway) to expand their market to lonely adults who can't figure out how to cook for one. The jars were depressingly labeled “Singles” and came in the same kind of jar as the baby variety. Does it get any sadder than that?

I’ve never met a kid who didn’t like ketchup on his hashbrowns, so I’m not sure why Heinz felt the need to produce coloured ketchups with names like Funky Purple, Stellar Blue, Blastin’ Green and something called “Mystery Colour.” Although it contained 20% more vitamin C than the red kind, kids hated it because it was weird. It was discontinued in 2006.